The Shadow of Joy: Learning to Stay When Happiness Feels Unsafe
Over the past two years, I’ve been deep in shadow work. Picking myself apart, trying to heal, trying to fix. And for once, this September feels different. I’ve reunited with my family, moved into a new home, started fresh.
I’m not saying life is perfect. But right now, I can say with full honesty: I am the happiest I’ve been in a long time.
And yet… I don’t trust it.
The Fear That Follows Goodness
The happiness is real. The laughter with my son is real. The quiet peace of this new home is real. The sense of alignment is real.
But so is the fear.
What if talking about it spoils it?
What if it’s taken away the moment I relax?
What if I stop worrying and the future blindsides me?
It’s like my nervous system doesn’t know how to just hold joy. The moment I feel it, I start scanning for cracks. I start fixing what isn’t broken. I turn even contentment into a project.
The truth is, happiness feels unsafe.
Virgo Season’s Mirror
This is why the Virgo new moon hit me so hard. Virgo energy loves to fix, to polish, to prepare. It whispers: “Don’t get too comfortable, make it better, make it safer, make it last.”
But sometimes Virgo’s medicine becomes Virgo’s shadow: the compulsion to analyze life until the living is gone.
Here I am, in one of the best moments of my life, and instead of just living it, I’m dissecting it, measuring it, worrying it will vanish. That’s Virgo at its shadow extreme believing safety comes from control, not from trust.
The Old Belief
If I’m honest, the belief underneath all this is simple: Happiness won’t last, so don’t trust it.
I’ve lived through enough loss to make that feel true. But carrying it into this moment poisons the very thing I’ve prayed for.
What I’m Actually Practicing
Not affirmations. Not mantras. Just this:
When I catch myself spiraling into worry, I stop and look at my son. I feel the laughter in the room. I let myself notice: This moment is already here.
I remind myself that worrying about tomorrow won’t protect today. It only robs me of what I already have.
And when I feel the urge to fix, to analyze, to prepare I whisper to myself: You don’t need to earn this. You don’t need to polish it. You’re allowed to enjoy it as it is.
The Shadow of Joy
Maybe this is the shadow work no one talks about the shadow of joy.
Not how we sabotage relationships or careers. But how we sabotage happiness itself.
How we treat joy like it’s dangerous. How we brace for loss instead of receiving what’s actually here.
But this Virgo new moon is teaching me: sometimes the real work isn’t fixing anything. It’s learning to stay.
To stay in joy without trying to control it.
To stay in love without planning its end.
To stay in the moment without demanding to know the future.
And maybe that’s the most radical shadow work yet—believing I deserve to live in a good moment without needing to dismantle it.
About the Author
Nyambura explores the intersection of ancient wisdom and modern transformation through writing, AI-assisted shadow work, and authentic spiritual guidance. She believes real shadow work isn’t just about facing darkness—it’s also about learning how to hold the light.
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